Wednesday, June 10, 2009

When Faith Struggles

As some of you may know, we have an upcoming visit to Johns Hopkins (June 24-27) for further evaluation and testing regarding Jared's syndrome. As all of you know, our last visit was not a positive visit. Jared was diagnosed with Loeys-Dietz Syndrome and we were also made aware of an aortic aneurysm, which required immediate surgery.

I do not have a good feeling about this visit. Neither does Jared. I have not made him aware of my feelings about the visit because I don't want to create further angst for him. We will not only be seeing Dr. Dietz for updates on how the syndrome has progressed, but will also be seeing a spine specialist and an endocrinologist who specializes in bone disease. Jared's health has been deteriorating over the past few months and he has experienced several episodes where he passes out.

I would like to ask that you remember us in your prayers -- for strength, peace and acceptance of whatever this visit may bring. I'm drowning in helplessness because there is nothing I can do to fix this problem. As a friend stated yesterday, the absolute worst feeling in the world is the total helplessness one feels when they cannot help their child, but can only stand by and watch the events unfold. I cried off and on all day yesterday and it looks like it is going to be that way again today. Thank you to those who talked with me in between my crying jags yesterday. I appreciate your love, encouragement and support. I love it when God uses others to deliver His message and especially when He throws in that little extra thump on the head Himself (you know, like being hit over the head with a newspaper) -- my e-mail devotion today is entitled "When Faith Struggles".

"Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:3-4 (NIV)

God is faithful.
God always works in our best interests.
God's ways are beyond our understanding.

I'm one of those people who has to have an answer to my "why" in order for things to make sense to me....to be logical. However, I'm learning that I have to accept the fact that there is not always going to be a logical answer and my "why" will be left unanswered more times than not.

Edward, thank you for your encouragement and support. I know it's alot to take in. Mother, sometimes we just have to face what is and ask for the strength to accept it. Christie, it's okay to be real [and fake :-)], as God knows your heart. He knows what many do not -- "our smiles do not bespeak the pain within our hearts". Gordon, I'm counting on your mom's "direct line". Elaine, do what you do best in your love and ministry -- spread the word!

I'm just sayin',

--Margo

2 comments:

Staci said...

I love the new look. And I love you!! I saw this devotion this morning too and it was a good one.

Chris Barnette said...

Benita,

Thank you so much for letting Jared be a part of our lives. He is such joy to be around. Heidi thinks the world of him also. Only God knows what you guys are going through and we are keeping you guys in our thoughts and prayers. We pray for strength, healing, understanding and comfort during these difficult times. We do know that one day we will all be with our Father and there will be no more pain and suffering.
I also want to thank you for being such a great inspiration for our women and couples at Westwood. You have so much on your plate and you still find time to minister to them. Last week we had a class on Selfless Service which is one of our “Army Values” and a great example of selfless service is what you have been doing at Westwood. Hang in there and know that we are here if you need anything.

Chris