a Sweet Life Saga

Dear Margo, Lately, I have alot in common with Chad Kroeger and Santana....." every time I try to talk to you, I get tongue-tied, it turns out that everything I say to you comes out wrong and never comes out right...." Do you ever feel like everything in your life is upside down and inside out? That it doesn't matter what you say or do it's always the wrong thing? I hate it when that happens. I feel as though there is a little imp following me around, wreaking havoc in my path. Lately, that is what my life has been -- everything I say or do seems to be the wrong thing. I'm told the best intentions count for nothing if the person on the receiving end doesn't receive it as such. So, what does one do? How do you approach a situation when you think that everything you say or do is being measured and taken the wrong way? You know your heart and what you mean, but how do you convey that to another person? Signed, Nothing Seems Right Dear Nothing Seems Right,...

I'm a photographer. I own a Canon SLR digital camera. I cannot use, nor do I like to use fake cameras. By "fake" I'm referring to anything that has "point and shoot" in it's title. I am totally unable to take a decent photo with one. Amazing isn't it. You would think that if you are a photographer you would be able to pick up any camera and take a great photo. Doesn't work that way. It's like eating steak all your life then one day trying a mini-burger....yes, they are both meat, but they do not look or taste the same. Right about now you are saying to yourself "she doesn't like fake cameras because she can't use one." You would be incorrect in that assumption. I can use one in the literal sense, per se, I just can't use one to take decent photos. I like seeing things through new eyes (my camera) and through old eyes (my own -- which are in desperate need of contacts). The view through a lens is remarkable. You are given...

When one hears of a “pirate attack”, we automatically envision Johnny Depp in all of his glory boarding a wooden ship and taking the “booty” and the beauty hostage. Her lover plans an audacious rescue to save her honor, an exhilarating sword fight ensues with the hero winning (of course) and everyone lives happily ever after. We think it’s romantic and daring. Unfortunately, there is nothing romantic about modern day piracy. Through movies, such as “Pirates of the Caribbean” and “Captain Ron”, we are led to believe the life of a pirate is somewhat glamorous, dangerous and exciting. However, modern day pirates are nothing more than terrorists, albeit not as high on the terrorist food chain as those who blow themselves up for the love of Allah and the 72 virgins they will receive upon entering Heaven, but terrorists nonetheless. They hold people and ships hostage to extort money out of other countries. Yes, I realize this is what Captain Jack Sparrow did as well, but it didn’t seem all t...

I don't like snakes, have never liked snakes. They are sneaky, slimy and seem to strike at the most inopportune moment. Of course, I can't really think of an opportune time for them to strike...but still.... What "skeers" me is that these were being shipped on a plane. Did the passengers KNOW they were traveling with snakes? Is this something that should be disclosed pre-boarding? I think so, as I would definitely make alternate travel arrangements. WHY didn't they drive them to their destination? Why would they subject passengers to crawly reptiles in an enclosed environment, where, if they got loose (which they did) there would be nowhere to run? Trapped, literally, like rats in a cage. What is even more frightening is that said snakes were never found. WHY? According to the "reptile expert", the snakes [probably] somehow escaped outside the plane after it landed. No they didn't; they crawled into the passengers' luggage and surprised them when...

The internet has been around for a while. You would think there would be nothing left out there to astonish, shock or amaze me. But you would be wrong in that thinking. I recently read a story, as I'm sure you did also, that now, Clara Mosokowitz of LiveScience.com , has determined your marriage will be successful if you smiled in your yearbook photos. WHAT? WHAT? If I smiled in my school photos, my marriage will be successful and less likely to end in divorce? WHAT? You have got to be kidding me. Do these people have NOTHING better to do than to search through school yearbooks that have been thrown into the recycling bin and create bizarre stories with statistics? How did they even come up with an idea like that? Oh, look, there's Matilda, she didn't smile in any of her school photos. She will be unsuccessful in her marriage endeavors with Leonard, George, Frank and Tom. Does it matter that Matilda didn't smile because she had just lost a tooth, got braces or heaven ...

Good pirates (very good looking and a little smelly, which can be tolerated somewhat because of their looks) Bad pirates (not good looking and very smelly, which is NEVER tolerated -- if you are unattractive and stinky, then you definitely have a problem) Got it.....get it.......GOOD! Just want to make sure everyone knows the difference. This is part 1 of my pirate rant. With today being April 15th, I bet you thought it would be on something funny........ like taxes .... I'm just sayin', --Margo

No, I may not know Jack, but I definitely know the speed limit around town. Two weeks ago, while still in my euphoric fog from visiting Cameras Brookwood (which it's really not in Brookwood anymore so they should probably change the name), a Homewood police officer had the audacity to pull me over....for speeding! It always amazes me how idiotic most police officers sound when they pull you over. They say things such as "did you know you have a tail light out?"....yes, I do and I'm on my way to purchase the bulb to replace it; "did you know you have an expired tag?"....yes, I know, I received the new sticker in the mail today and haven't been able to get home to paste it on over the old one, see, here it is; "did you know you were speeding?"....obviously not or I would have slowed down before I reached the location of your radar gun. SHEESH....if you are a police officer reading this, PLEASE come up with more original lines. You sound like the...

Once every blue moon I will make a “run for the border” and eat at Taco Bell for lunch. A couple of weeks ago I had a craving for something from there, so I went downstairs to grab some lunch. I ordered my usual -- 2 crunchy tacos and a drink. Everyone that knows me well knows how picky I am about my food. I like tacos; I just don’t like them with cheese and lettuce. Bizarre, I know. I like them with meat only. In addition to my tacos, I also like a side order of nachos with peppers. When I received my order there were no peppers! An abomination, as what are nachos without peppers! They are not chos! They are chips and cheese. That would be like ordering a hamburger with no meat – which is actually pretty common because no one is ever exactly sure WHAT is between the buns at fast food restaurants. It resembles meat, but what is it truly? But I digress. N E Way, I asked the cashier, who by the way had a nasty attitude, what happened to the peppers I ordered with my nachos. I didn’t have...

I believe exercise is way overrated, after all, look at the number of toned, fit, perfectly healthy people who drop dead every day! As I sit here eating my Snickers® bar (reduced fat I might add – as I’m only eating half the bar, I ate the other half yesterday), I’ve been contemplating the pros and cons of exercise. Pro – if I exercise, I won’t have cellulite. Con – I’m going to sweat. Pro – I won’t be out of breath after climbing 2 flights of stairs. Con – gym memberships are expensive AND other people will see me sweat. Pro – I can go without hose in the summer because my calves will be toned. Con – I do that anyway and offend many. Pro – I will have more energy. Con – that translates to having the energy to do more work. Pro – I really can’t think of anything else, but my list of “cons” is endless. Now, I’m not an advocate for being lazy and not exercising at all, I just don’t believe in the rigorous stuff. Bending down to put on my shoes constitutes exercise -- right, after all, I...