Monday, April 13, 2009

You Don't Know Jack!

No, I may not know Jack, but I definitely know the speed limit around town. Two weeks ago, while still in my euphoric fog from visiting Cameras Brookwood (which it's really not in Brookwood anymore so they should probably change the name), a Homewood police officer had the audacity to pull me over....for speeding! It always amazes me how idiotic most police officers sound when they pull you over. They say things such as "did you know you have a tail light out?"....yes, I do and I'm on my way to purchase the bulb to replace it; "did you know you have an expired tag?"....yes, I know, I received the new sticker in the mail today and haven't been able to get home to paste it on over the old one, see, here it is; "did you know you were speeding?"....obviously not or I would have slowed down before I reached the location of your radar gun. SHEESH....if you are a police officer reading this, PLEASE come up with more original lines. You sound like the man from the bar with the worst pick up lines EVER! AND why do you scream at little old women to NOT get out of the car?? What could they possibly do to you...hit you with their cane? You are a cop, you have a gun; honestly, how much pain could she inflict upon you before you shoot her?

Anywho, this police officer pulls me over and tells me I was speeding. I told him I was coming off the mountain (Vestavia) and was downshifting to third gear, how could I be speeding? I inquired as to the speed limit. He replied it was 40 and I was doing 63. Now, for those of you who drive a stick, you know there is no way you can drive 63 mph in third gear, comfortably. I argued the point. I told him I wasn't going 63. Now, I suppose I should point out that I really have no idea how fast I was driving, but I do know it wasn't 63. He obviously "clocked" me as I started my drive down the hill, before I downshifted to third gear. He took my license and insurance information and walked back to his moped. When he returned to my car (I had my door open, thank you very much as it was hot), to present my gift of a speeding ticket, I noticed he had changed the speed limit to 35. I asked him again, what was the speed limit and why did he change it. He said he made a mistake the first time and that the speed limit was actually 35. I said, "you mean to tell me you are out here giving tickets and you have no idea WHAT the speed limit is?" He turned very red and became flustered. He said he did know what the speed limit was and that he made a mistake the first time and asked me if I had ever made a mistake. I told him "no, I'm perfect, can't you tell?" I again questioned his competence of handing out tickets when he wasn't quite sure about the speed limit. He said he worked in several areas and there were many different speed limits throughout the City of Homewood and he just made a mistake. He began fumbling with these little cards in his hand, almost dropping them. I'm thinking I have a rookie cop at my door and he's having to look up the speed limit on cheat sheets. Anyway, the argument lasted for a few more minutes before I finally started closing my door which was his signal to move on or get hit with the door. He chose to move on.

Now for the best part of this story (no, it wasn't that I got a ticket -- do you people always delight in another person's misfortune?). When I got back to the office I had a voicemail from said police officer telling me he made another mistake and that the speed limit was actually 40 mph and would I please change my copy of the ticket. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. I immediately called his superior officer and lodged a complaint. I was transferred several times and made sure that I told my tale to each person I spoke with....they ALL laughed. I made sure I gave his name as well.

The only good thing that came of this event was that I won a blog giveaway from my friend Jamie. The contest was to use 5 words to describe yourself -- my five words: "looking for competent police officers."

I’m just sayin’,



Anonymous said...

Today's blog is hilarious. I can see you telling the police just that. I also imagined your head moving from side to side. Have you ever thought about becoming a writer? I love your attention to detail.


Joseph said...

If that would have been me I would have been tazed. Because cops love me.

Chris Barnette said...

Great Blog :-) I have been very lucky the past 4 or 5 times I have been pulled over, they always see my military Id or uniform and give me a break. I am sure my luck will run out one of these days

Christie Huff said...

BBBBAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAA. You really HATE police officers don't you. I wonder why. I'm thinking you offered one "the promise" onetime if they didn't give you the ticket and he said "No thanks" which you were not expecting so from there you lumped all police officers into one category and you hate them all. Man Hater! LOL

Margo Redding said...

LOL...I have NEVER offered "the promise" to a police officer...they have all been too ugly! :-)